The Ten Commandments: Fifth Commandment

Exodus 20:12

The Ten Signposts of the Bible
CAMDE—400—CALY
Creation. Abraham. MOSES. David. Elijah. 400. Christ. Apostles. Letters. Yet-to Come.

Today, many, if not most, people believe there is no such thing as absolute truth. The world system has normalized the idea that truth is relative. You can believe what you want, and I can believe what I want because it is my truth. This mindset is called postmodernism. Along with postmodern thinking is the philosophy of moral therapeutic deism, which teaches that God wants everyone to be happy, so we are allowed to do whatever makes us feel good and satisfied.[1]

The world's philosophies often conflict with biblical theology. Scripture clearly teaches absolute truths that never change because they come from God. These truths are summarized in the Ten Commandments. That’s why studying the Decalogue (The Ten Words) is essential for every believer. We must understand these principles that serve as our moral foundation. We also need to ensure that these are passed down to our children and grandchildren. 

So far, we have examined the first four commandments regarding our relationship with God. 

First Commandment: No god but God (Ex. 20:2-3)
Second Commandment: No Images (Ex. 20:4-6)
Third Commandment: Don’t misuse God’s name (Ex. 20:7)
Fourth Commandment: Remember the Sabbath (Ex. 20:8-11)

Now we'll look at commandments 5-10, which address our relationships with others.

FIFTH COMMANDMENT: HONOR YOUR FATHER AND YOUR MOTHER (Ex. 20:12)

Exodus 20:12
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. 

The Hebrew word translated as “honor” (kabbed) means “to be heavy” or “weighty.” It describes worth, value, respect, and dignity. A parent is owed this respect, not only because of who they are but also because God, the sovereign Creator, established their position in your life. Therefore, to honor your parents is to honor God. 

In Paul’s letter to the Romans, he discusses how we should respond to authority. He states, “Let every person be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those that exist have been instituted by God” (Rom. 13:1). God is the one who appoints authorities in our lives. Someone unwilling to submit to their parents' authority will likely be unwilling to submit to any other authority in their life, including teachers, coaches, and employers. 

In the civil law of the Old Testament, rebellion against one’s parents was considered a matter of life and death. If a child attacked their father or mother with the intent to cause physical harm, the child was to be put to death. The same punishment applied to a child cursing their parent (Ex. 21:15, 17). Here’s why this merited such severe punishment.

If a child, understanding the command and its consequences, does not show respect for their parents and intentionally hurts them, that child would not obey any authority figures in society. Their defiance could ultimately put the lives of many others at risk. The punishment was meant to protect the family and community members. 

Clearly, the civil law from the Old Testament is no longer in force today. So, how should we interpret this command? 

Honor Your Parents in Your Young and Teenage Years
The apostle Paul addressed children in two of his letters. To the Colossians, he wrote, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord” (Col. 3:20). “Obey” (Grk: akouo) means “to hear,” “to listen to,” and do what is heard. To the Ephesians, Paul wrote, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise)” (Eph. 6:1-2). The phrase “in the Lord” is not referring to Christian parents. “In the Lord” refers to the instructions that parents provide. Certainly, if parents asked their child to murder, steal, or do anything of a sexually deviant nature, the child must obey God, not their parents (see Acts 5:9).

Paul says that this “is the first commandment with a promise.” Obedience to parents often results in a long life. While not an absolute guarantee, children who honor their parents tend to avoid destructive habits and dangerous situations that could shorten their lives. 

Honor Your Parents in Your Adult Years
When a man and woman marry, their union signifies an emotional separation from their parents’ influence (Gen. 2:24). The relationships we have with our parents should not overshadow our relationship with our spouse. However, we are still called to respect, value, and honor our parents. Paul points out that there may be times when we need to care for our parents and/or grandparents. He writes, “if a widow has children or grandchildren, these should learn first of all to put their religion into practice by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God” (1 Tim. 5:4 NIV). 

This also applies to in-laws. Don’t make it hard for your spouse to follow this instruction. Also, avoid speaking badly about your parents or in-laws, especially in front of your children. 

Be Parents Worthy of Honor
Paul teaches, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4 NIV). The Greek word translated “exasperate” (parorgizete) means to “provoke to anger.” Paul writes to the Colossians that parents shouldn’t “embitter your children, or they will become discouraged” (Col. 3:21 NIV). The Greek word for “embitter” (erethizo) means “to stir up” or “provoke.”

This command applies to parents and children. Children are to honor their parents. Parents should not make it difficult for their children to obey this commandment! Each must do their part.

PERSONAL TIME WITH GOD
Read and reflect on Exodus 20:12. How has your attitude toward authority revealed insights into your relationship with God?

Talking to God: Ask God to help you biblically submit to the authorities in your life.  

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